You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemmingway©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill©OFFICEJOKES.NET

He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella©OFFICEJOKES.NET

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply©OFFICEJOKES.NET

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
--David Daye©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde©OFFICEJOKES.NET

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin©OFFICEJOKES.NET

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry©OFFICEJOKES.NET

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton©OFFICEJOKES.NET

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm©OFFICEJOKES.NET

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry©OFFICEJOKES.NET

I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan©OFFICEJOKES.NET

They who drink beer will think beer.
--Washington Irving©OFFICEJOKES.NET

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway©OFFICEJOKES.NET

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin©OFFICEJOKES.NET

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson