When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of 'Black November';©OFFICEJOKES.NET

"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three."©OFFICEJOKES.NET

"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;"©OFFICEJOKES.NET

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;"©OFFICEJOKES.NET

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides, and leave ya lyin' in the sink;"©OFFICEJOKES.NET

"And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."©OFFICEJOKES.NET

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat.©OFFICEJOKES.NET

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.©OFFICEJOKES.NET

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

And sure enough when 'Black November' rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the compound;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;©OFFICEJOKES.NET

She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming..."